I haven't really changed anything in my paragraph except some of my commentary, I re-did it so that there were no "I" statements and I added more commentary. Other than that I didn't change anything else except switch out some words so I'm not repetitive. I tied in my commentary to the thesis by staying on the topic that we picked and explaining how I react to the concrete detail.
I don't have any questions for my group, I used google if I really needed to.
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